That Stupid Old Man!
by usignolo
Summary: A Christmas one-shot: Hogwarts' snarky Potions Master, its smart but naïve Head Girl and an enchanted mistletoe – could it get any worse?


**Disclaimer: I don't own the "Harry Potter" book series. The story of "Harry Potter" is the property of J. K. Rowling, it is not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.**

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As much as Severus Snape hated most aspects of his teaching position at Hogwarts, doing early morning rounds through the school's countless corridors wasn't one of them. He was a morning person by nature and loved roaming through his beloved castle, having it all to himself without any pesky pupils – or looney headmasters, for that matter – disrupting his complex thoughts. He would often use this time to ponder over how to further perfect his brewing technique or even to try out new spells; every once in a while, however, he would also just enjoy the utter silence that was so rare to be found in a place like this filled with so many people.

It was during one of those rounds on a Monday in late autumn that something eventually disrupted that peaceful quiet. Walking through a particularly remote part of the castle, the wizard suddenly heard what sounded like soft humming coming from the corridor to his right. A gloating smirk crept across his hook-nosed face – longing for solitude or not, one of his favourite pastimes was and would always be catching unsuspecting students in the process of doing something prohibited.

That joyful feeling was rather short-lived, however; because the person he laid eyes upon after turning the corner was none other than Hermione Granger – the school's current Head Girl who was definitely allowed outside of her common room past curfew as she too was expected to patrol the castle from time to time.

But Snape's mood did lighten up a little when he noticed that she was wearing Muggle clothing – perfect! While students were normally permitted to wear their own clothes outside of class, they were required to dress in their uniform while fulfilling tasks given to them by staff; and doing rounds was certainly one of them. The Potions Master thought about it for a good second and ultimately figured that he could deduct at least 30 house points for that. And from what he could see, she was also not wearing her official Head Girl badge – that would be worth another 15 points.

Lurking in the shadows, he waited until Granger had come close enough so that jumping out of his hiding spot would score maximum dramatic effect.

"Tsk, tsk, what do we have –"

But before he could finish his sentence, Severus was suddenly pushed forward so violently that is almost knocked the air out of his lungs. He didn't even have time to whip out his wand in order to fight of the invisible assailant before the exact same thing happened to the young woman, practically launching her into his arms. The two of them were now face to face, close enough to where he could have counted the individual freckles on her button nose if he'd wanted to.

"Professor Snape?" the Gryffindor shrieked, her eyes the size of saucers.

"Get off me at once!" But even after pushing her away, they were still uncomfortably close to each other. He tried to take a step back; however, his feet wouldn't move. "What is the meaning of this! What did you do, Miss Granger?!"

"Nothing, I swear!"

"Don't lie to me, you brat!"

"But I really didn't do anything, sir!"

"Then what is going on?!" he snarled, turning his head left and right looking for the jokester that had trapped them, whether it was a student or Peeves – but there was no one. It wasn't until Severus looked up that he saw the source of their problem.

"That stupid, old man!" he cursed under his breath. He had forgotten that today was December 1, the day that marked the beginning of Christmas time at Hogwarts. He'd been assigned one of the more secluded areas of the castle to patrol for this morning and since those were usually not as heavily decorated, he hadn't caught on yet. And because he hadn't been looking out for it, he was now stuck underneath Dumbledore's ridiculous mistletoe with one third of the idiotic Golden Trio.

"Sir?" Granger was visibly confused.

He pointed towards the ceiling. "Another one of the headmaster's glorious ideas: An enchanted mistletoe that traps any two people of age that stand underneath it at the same time. He puts it up every year on the first day of December and only takes it down the day after Boxing Day."

"An enchanted mistletoe?" she asked, examining the decoration with obvious curiosity. "If Professor Dumbledore puts it up every year, how come I have never heard of it before?"

Snape smirked – the fact that there was something about Hogwarts that she hadn't already known was obviously bothering her, and he enjoyed that wholeheartedly.

"He started this senseless tradition only a few years ago which is the reason for it not being mentioned in _Hogwarts: A History_, and since he always puts it up at random spots throughout the castle, there are some years during which not a single soul stumbles across it. Furthermore, most of the people living here aren't adults yet, so it doesn't work on them." He made a short pause. "Last but not least, most of its victims get stuck unexpectedly, and unless they were lucky enough to get trapped with someone they fancied, I think that it is rather understandable why they wouldn't want to broadcast their experience to the entire world."

"But why?"

It was frustrating how naïve the girl was. "Because the only way to break its magic is to kiss."

"Oh …"

Severus said nothing, patiently waiting for the dreadful epiphany that was sure to come.

"OH!"

Yep, there it was.

"Does that mean that we also have to …" The witch abruptly turned beet red.

"I am afraid so, Miss Granger – that is, unless we find another way out of this."

She gasped loudly. "But is it even supposed to do this? Trapping teachers with students?!"

"Believe me when I say that I have voiced this as a concern to the headmaster multiple times in the past," he answered, his voice almost too low to be heard. "Now, make yourself useful! There has to be something that will set us free."

But ten minutes as well as dozens upon dozens of different spells and hexes later, they were still in the same uncomfortable position as before. The Head of Slytherin groaned in frustration – just why did that moronic geezer have to be such a highly skilled wizard! Already knowing that it wouldn't help, he tried one last charm.

"I don't think it's working, sir."

Severus could feel anger starting to erupt inside of him – not only was he trapped in such an inappropriate position with his fourth least favourite student, but now that brat also dared to speak to him in such a disrespectful tone!

"Miss Granger, if you really do know everything better, then please, use your humongous head to get us out of here, would you?!" he screamed just inches away from her face.

Granger's eyes immediately started to water, and it didn't take long before she broke out into tears, but he didn't care. For a while, no one said anything; the only sound resonating from the stone walls was the brunette's sobbing.

Suddenly, a loud chime interrupted the silence – it was the Clock Tower, indicating that it was now half past five in the morning. "Fuck!" Severus thought. Soon, the first wave of early bird students would start to stream out into the castle, and as they weren't far from the Ravenclaw Tower, he knew that it wouldn't be long before someone found them in this delicate position. He shuttered at the thought of having to kiss the Gryffindor Princess in front of the entire school – no one would ever take him seriously again!

"Oh, bloody hell!" And with that, he grabbed her tear-streaked face with his calloused hands before pressing his thin lips against hers tightly.

He had expected the surprised squeal that escaped her – but what he hadn't been prepared for was the sudden bolt of electricity that travelled through his entire body at the speed of light upon their lips making contact. The Dungeon Bat's eyes grew big, and he could see hers do the same; just two gigantic honey brown circles staring back at him with a mixture of shock and wonderment.

For what felt like an eternity, neither of them dared to move; Severus was still holding on to the sides of her round face, their lips were still joined together, and they were still looking at each other with an intensity that could set a room ablaze. But suddenly, to the black-haired man's horror, Granger started to slowly close her eyes and her chapped but voluptuous lips, which at first had felt so hard against his, started to softened as her small hands came to a rest on his chest.

"What in Merlin's name is she doing?!" the voice inside of his head screamed in a panic. But it was almost as though he wasn't in control of his own body as his left arm found its way around her petite waist, pulling her closer to him, and his right hand got lost in the entanglement of curls at the nape of her neck, tipping her head up to create a better angle. He could feel his body melt into hers, painfully aware of the way her curves were pressed against him. He wanted to stop, wanted to just push her away from him and give her detention for the rest of the school year, but he couldn't. He had kissed a fair share of women in his lifetime but it had never felt like this – it was a type of ecstasy that no potion or spell could ever give you. He wanted to possess the woman in his arms and give himself to her completely at the same time.

Whatever little self-control he had left, it was all gone as soon as the Muggle-born parted her lips just enough to let out a nearly inaudible moan. Snape attacked her open mouth with his tongue and relished in her taste – the tears running down her face made her taste salty but sweet, like sea water mixed with honey, like popcorn covered in powdered sugar. He pressed himself against her – close enough to where he was sure that she could hear and feel the rapid beat of his heart – and felt chills run down his spine when she wrapped her arms around his neck. He used his teeth to bite her lower lip – not hard enough to draw blood, but just enough to give her a sensation of that good kind of pain – and the sharp breath she drew in response only egged him on further.

Neither one of them had come to the realisation that the mistletoe's spell had long been broken, or maybe they just didn't care anymore; and was only when Severus felt something starting to stir in his lower region that he remembered who he was kissing and finally managed to pull himself away from her.

The Potions Master was absolutely horrified – he had just snogged a student! Oh, but it had felt so good; he had never felt this alive! He was trying hard to catch his breath after such an aggressive kiss, having a difficult time keeping his shaky legs from folding, and while he certainly did not want to, he forced himself to look up.

What he saw was a pale-faced Hermione Granger who was staring right at him but somehow still appeared to not notice him at all. In what seemed like a trance-like state, she slowly brought one of her hands up to her lips, touching them just ever so slightly, before looking at her fingers with what could only be described as astonishment.

Having long forgotten about how he had planned to obliviate her, Snape had to clear his throat before managing to say, "I think that you should return to your dorm now, Miss Granger."

At last, the girl seemed to become aware of his presence again, and her white as chalk face quickly regained some much-needed colour as she started to blush.

"Yeah … I think so, too." she mumbled. "Goodbye, Professor."

"Goodbye, Miss Granger."


End file.
